You're: an obituary for a contraction

Wailing Shabba's picture

The word you’re passed away in its sleep last night. It was 78. It’s survived by its wife it’s (itself on its last legs) and its children he’s,  and she’s.

You’re had enjoyed a brief period of prominence back when people actually spoke and wrote fluent English, a dead language originally thought to be taught in American public schools. Part of the larger contraction fad, you’re led the vanguard of shortened speech.

Sadly, you’re knew the end was near when the advent of instant messaging technology lowered the national IQ by twelve points, leading most people to substitute the word ‘your,’ which does not mean what they think it means. In some extreme cases, the word 'UR' has even been sought as a replacement, which makes me die a little inside.